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edit: apparently, you can't post results on my comments. so nvm. if you want, just type it out yourself. me and areum were looking for people who have the quality that appeals most to us according to this (loyalty for areum, courage for me). sorry to say, we found none. we will be single hags for the rest of our lives. hahaha jk. just me    | | |
| suburban kids.. yeah.. i must say they do overdramatize everything. and no, im no suburban kid. and im not a fucking hoodrat either. im fucking unaffiliated to any bullshit like that. well..maybe its not suburban kids necessarily.. but you know.. michele knows.. hmm.. shit happens. life goes on. you make mistakes. you learn from it. you move on! why make things appear to be worse than it actually is? this aint shit.. good lORD. get over it. yeah it could've been avoided, but it wasn't. and it only has to do with us so what's your claim in this? NONE. so save your downtalking and stupid parent lectures. if you want to be a friend, be a FRIEND. otherwise, just sheekRUH. leave my roommate alone! (btw, this has nothing to do with my previous entry)
and a lot of people have been interrogating me lately. half of them are just being good buddies, and they're just trying to show me they're concerned and that they care. the other half are just nosy gossiping whores who want to know what's going on with no intention of really trying to help me out, be there for me, or whatever. they just want to know. bastards.
im physically uncomfortable, sick, and tired.. which is not good (obviously). i don't know what's causing all this. maybe stress. but i'm not really much of a stress0r. if i get mad, i vent, and then it's over with. but then again.. im known for getting sick when i do end up stressing. maybe i'm doing it unconsciously. so when i tell you nothing's wrong.. i really do think nothing's wrong. i'm not really trying to hide anything. but yeah.. why do all my xanga entries sound like i'm going through the worst shit in my life (i'm not). maybe it's because when stupid shit happens, i'm more prone to write about it. and it's obviously more interesting to people who actually read my xanga. but when i write stupid crap on my xanga, it's because i can write it w/o people hassling me about the details i don't want to give. sure, you can leave comments.. but that doesn't mean i have to answer them. but really, i'm ok.  | | |
| it's impossible to describe in a just a few words my feelings towards you. the closest word i can think of is hate, and even that doesnt do fucking justice. its far beyond hate. in fact, it's not even hate. just the thought of you makes me want to vomit out of disgust. your self-righteous fucked up ego. your bullshit excuses. the way you fucking justify your fucked up attitude and actions with your fucked up logic and use that same fucked up logic to blame your fuck ups on somebody else.. ANYBODY else but fucking you, you crass prick. i hate the person you are, the person you're becoming, and i especially hate the way you bring out the fucking worst in me. sometimes i wish it was simply a matter of angry and foolish hatred. then at least i can blame my own fucking temper and the moment would pass. but you've made this shit too big and im not fucking dumb enough to allow it to be that way. you are the source of all my problems.. it always comes back to you. that's right, YOU. im fucking pointing my fucking finger at YOU. and don't give me none of that "im the fucking victim" bullshit. you are so determined to exaggerate the details of your so-called "sufferings," but completely fail to recognize the hard work that other people put in. and why the hell are you so fucking defensive? no one is out to get you, you asinine psycho. but enough with the name calling. im just fed up with dealing with you. i can look beyond your stupidity and stubbornness, cuz fuck.. who isn't like that? but i can't ignore your disrespectful, annoying, and intolerable "im the fucking king of the universe" mentality. fuck you. you're nobody. and if you want respect, you have to earn people's fucking respect, you senseless witch. do you know what that means? to EARN somebody's respect? the fuck have you done? fucking jack shit. sigh.. im angry. im incredibly annoyed. im cranky. im hateful. im bitter. im resentful. im frustrated. and i feel fucking violent. and im usually not like this (xangers, crack your fucking jokes. if you know me, you know im not). so why am i continuing to feel and act this way? cuz there's no way in talking to you like a normal human being. you don't want to hear anything that doesn't agree with your own views, which include "im never wrong. if i ever did anything wrong, it was because i was forced/provoked to do so by somebody else. blame them." how fucking old are you. grow the fuck up. and then maybe we can have a normal conversation where you don't throw one of your diva tantrums at me. im not saying im perfect. ill be the first to admit that im pretty fucked up. and yes, the rest of the world is pretty fucked up, too. but YOU. you are in a league all your own. just look around you. why is it that the people around you behave the way they do towards you? and don't give me any of your "they're the weird ones," "they're all hypocrites," or whatever excuses you got stored up in your dictionary of bullshit vernacular. can you even CONSIDER the idea that maybe it's not just them, but YOU? so frustrating.. going through this cycle of bullshit drama and then trying to talk to you, only to fail every single time.. what is this? fucking oedipus complex? ergg.. so what is the point of all this? there is absolutely none. because you will not change (and believe me, this isn't an unsubstantiated claim). you will continue to be who you are. but perhaps one day you'll realize that the hypocrites of this world are not just all the people around you, but that you yourself are one as well. but if you do fail to ever realize that, then i guess you've succeeded in fooling everyone, including yourself. i just wish you could've fooled me, too. then maybe i wouldn't have to feel like shit all the time. and only you would understand what all this bullshit on my xanga is about. and so i dedicate this to you, *******.
look at my hands and my arms. they bear your scars. | | |
| me and irene were watching a movie in my room.. she had to go bathroom.. and then i hear "OH MY GOD!" all the way from the bathroom...
..irene dropped her keys in the toilet AFTER she went pee!!! ahahhahahahahahaha | | |
| the possibility of a whole year of feeling nothing but anger, sadness, laziness, and absolutely mind-blowing frustration is.. *sigh.. it's not really something i look foward to. i don't mind being tired. i don't mind taking the extra step. i don't even mind that it can all come back to bite me in the ass every day for the next 365 days, taunting me with I Told You So's.. but what i DO mind is the inevitable angst (among other things) that will ensue upon the deliberation of my decision... MY decision.. my decision.. ??
i'm beginning to notice just how fucked up people are. i mean, i've always known some people were pretty fucked up.. but now, i'm realizing that they're reaalllly fucked up. what's scary is that they're often times more fucked up than i am. what's even scarier (and kind of pathetic really) is that they don't seem to realize how fucked up they reallly are. they go about their lives thinking everything's fine and dandy..content in living in blissful ignorance. yeah, i'd prefer to live my life having happy thoughts and thinking simple shit, but underneath it all, i'm actually aware of what the fuck is going on.. you know? and i assumed that this was the case for everybody.. but how wrong that is. and these ignorant fucks get manipulated by evil bitches (do i really have to name them? if you can't recognize them on your own, you're the ignorant fuck) who actually make these idiots think that what the evil bitches believe is exactly what they believe--completely (and i do mean COMPLETELY) unaware of the fact that their stupid asses have been owned. i don't know whether to be angry at them for their stupidity, or feel sorry for them. and contrary to what you xangers might be thinking, nothing specific has occurred in my life to incite such remarks.. i was just thinking! i might sound all bitter and hateful, but im really not.. REALLY. it's just baffling to consider how people can choose to live their lives thinking about.. actually, they're NOT thinking at all. but i'm the biggest hypocrite of all.. i criticize these poor fucks about how they live their lives, and i find myself wishing that I could be the same--free from everything that's real.. thinking that the superficial existence they've created for themselves is the real thing.. anything outside that is insubstantial. but fuck it, i'm ranting...
so.. what to do now.. back to my happy little bubble (because i know that it's a fucking bubble, and i guess that makes it okay). and you can go back to whatever bubble you've made for yourself (because you DO live in a bubble). and for now.. that'll have to do..
p/s: i love you 
--edit--
"All in all, dun be a glum cuz u my pumkin."
aww.. i love you sharon    | | |
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